Learning to Let Go

“We have not yet seen what might happen if those who worship the Servant King, now enthroned as Lord of the world, were to take him seriously enough to take up our cross and follow him. But that, as Mark reminds us, is precisely what the servant king calls us to do.”

These closing lines of today’s reading spoke volumes to me in that following Jesus is exactly what I’m called to and supposed to be doing with my life. Following Jesus is the profession, so to speak, that defines what I do here on this earth, my identity must be wrapped up in the very act of daily choosing to be a living sacrifice and follow the one who gave His life for mine. Much of what we have been going through has taken me back to a mission trip I went on to New Mexico last April. I wrote the following letter to the congregation describing my experience, and how God used a Wednesday night (bahaha God, good one) to reveal to me that my identity lies in him, and I embrace that identity when I learn to let go.

Upon arriving back at the ranch, our AIM staff had setup this awesome time of worship and prayer. After a time of worship, we all found ourselves in the chapel, where stations were set up for us to reflect on the person of Christ. Of the five or so that were set up…. I made it to two. I spent a significant amount of time at one station that had a bucket of water and some rocks. Our task was to take a rock, reflect on the things in our lives that were holding us back, and place it in the water, letting the rock and all the things that were holding us back sink to the bottom where they could no longer hold us down. However, I pick up my rock, prayed a bit, and found that I could not put that rock in the water. For the better part of the two hours I spent in the chapel I sat with that rock in my hands, unable to do much of anything other than cry and pray. I contemplated my own brokenness (which is not the most fun thing to do) and how much easier it was for me to define myself by my brokenness rather than my wholeness in Christ. Yet in spite of this, there was this still small voice, gently urging me to place that rock in the water. I did not listen very well, and it took the prayers of Debbie Wyne to show me what I already knew—that there was no way I was going to put that rock in the water by my own strength—God wanted me to put that rock in the water way more than Satan was prompting me to keep it. Don’t worry, I put that rock in the water, and have zero intention of ever picking it back up again. As Debbie prayed, the tears of fear and pain transformed into those of relief and joy, knowing that my Savior had given me His strength to throw that rock in the water.

Upon arriving home, still processing the week that I had experienced, I was going through a devotional with the great Oswald Chambers entitled “Complete and Effective Dominion.” The verse was Acts 1:8, “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit comes about you…” and Wednesday night and the rock scenario immediately popped into my mind. At the very end, Oswald ends with this kicker of a statement,”…but any effort to ‘hang on’ to the least bit of our power will only diminish the life of Jesus in us. We have to keep letting go, and slowly, but surely, the great and full life of God will invade us, penetrating every part.” I was reminded of Wednesday and how much I wanted to hold on to that rock, and I thought of the week and how much I wanted to hold onto my own agendas and my own flawed thinking of the way things could be. Letting go was the most difficult thing I did that week in terms of my spiritual growth, but God revealed himself to me in spite of my darkness, and paved the road to freedom for me, so here I stand (figuratively) with arms high and heart abandoned, ready and willing to accept this abundant life Jesus died to offer me. May His name be praised in glorified in all I do.

Our task is to follow him, and not hang on to the things of this life that our holding us down, and preventing us from living the abundant life on earth that Christ gave his life for us to live.