Each time I read through or hear the story of the prodigal son, it allows me to remember how much I am like the older brother, constantly focusing all my energies on following the rules, attempting to earn my way into the Kingdom and justify this gift of grace on my own terms, rather than just coming all the way into the fathers house.

Quite honestly, I am reluctant to enter the house because I don’t like the junk drawer of my life being exposed to Jesus, because that junk drawer is full of shameful things that I just don’t want to talk about or allow people to see. Tonight at my small group we discussed this “junk drawer” concept, and how allowing Christ to pick up that junk drawer and take care of it is essential to us coming into full and right relationship with him. At one point my leader said that we don’t wake up in the morning expecting to live this full life and experience a measure of death at the same time, and that we go into things expecting life to lead to life. However, the death that I experience daily is giving up that lifestyle that demands that I earn my way into the Kingdom, and that death leads to full and abundant life. I spend so much time doing that I don’t spend a whole lot of time being the daughter of the Most High. I don’t live in the kingdom because of what I have done or how good I have been, but because the Father came out of his house and picked up my junk drawer full of my scandalous shame and cleaned it out, and all that is required of me is to walk through that front door and enter in.